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Old 08-31-2008, 07:09 AM   #1
admin
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Default Living with someone who has a life-controlling problem

Living with someone who has a life-controlling problem

Quote:
Living Free Every Day®

Today's Scripture
Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 AMP

Thoughts for Today
When a family learns that a loved one is trapped in a life-controlling problem, letting go can be difficult. And yet letting go is one of the most important things we can do.

When a person is struggling with a life-controlling problem, everyone around that individual is affected. Family members often grieve the emotional loss of their loved one and usually go through emotional stages much like those of a dying person learning to accept his death. Researchers have found these five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Consider this…
If someone you care about is struggling with a life-controlling problem, being aware of these five stages can help you understand what you've been feeling and see that your feelings are normal.

Often the first stage is denial. In this stage we protect ourselves from the shock of learning about our loved one's condition by refusing to accept it. We're trying to protect ourselves from the reality. "This can't be" is our natural first reaction.

When we are in this stage, we need to overcome the denial that is distorting our thinking so that we can look clearly at what is really happening.

We need to ask God to help us let go of the fear and shock. We can't ever reach the point of helping our loved one if we refuse to face the truth. We need to let go ... and let God.

Prayer
Lord, I really don't want to admit that my loved one has this life-controlling problem, but deep down I know it's true. I also know I can't deal with this on my own. Teach me not to rely on my own understanding, but to lean on you for guidance and strength. Help me take this first big step of admitting the truth.

These thoughts adapted from…
Concerned Persons Group: Because We Need Each Other by Dr. Jimmy Lee Ray
Quote:
Living Free Every Day®
Today's Scripture
And "don't sin by letting anger control you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26 NLT
Thoughts for Today
When confronted with the fact that a loved one has a life-controlling problem, we usually respond in denial. As we work through the denial stage and begin to accept the facts of what is happening, we become angry. We might direct our anger at God, at the circumstances, or at other people who, in our opinion, should have helped. We might look at our dependent family and even at ourselves. This is a time of great emotional pain.
In our anger, we need to see how we have allowed ourselves to be controlled and preoccupied by our loved one. This anger can become a life-controlling problem of its own in our lives.
Consider this…
If you find yourself in this angry stage, you need to share your feelings with an understanding listener. Be aware of the harm that this anger can do to other relationships, especially to a marriage.
Just keep in mind that these angry feelings are normal, but it's important to work through your feelings and let go of the anger before it consumes you.
We need to let go and let God.
Prayer
Father, help me to work through this anger and not allow it to control me. In Jesus' name ...
These thoughts adapted from…
Concerned Persons Group: Because We Need Each Other by Dr. Jimmy Lee Ray
Quote:
Living Free Every Day®
Today's Scripture
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV
Thoughts for Today
It is common for people concerned about someone with a life-controlling problem to try to strike bargains with themselves, with others and with God. We might promise ourselves that we will be better. We will say the right thing next time. We will make things right.
We might even set up agreements with our loved ones to reward them for refraining from their problem behavior.
Or we might bargain with God and promise to give to the church or do some good deeds if only he will fix our loved ones' problems.
Consider this…
If you are in this bargaining stage, you need to understand that help for a friend or loved one doesn't depend on your performance. None of us is good enough to merit God's help. No one can be transformed except through Jesus. We need to accept our powerlessness to change another person.
Prayer
Father, all my efforts have failed. No matter what I do, I realize now that I can't fix my loved one's problems. But I thank you that you can. Your grace is enough. Help me to let go and trust you. In Jesus' name ...
These thoughts adapted from…
Concerned Persons Group: Because We Need Each Other by Dr. Jimmy Lee Ray

Quote:
Living Free Every Day®

Today's Scripture
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV
Thoughts for Today
Grief fills the life of a person who feels they have lost a family member to a life-controlling problem. That loss often brings on depression, a state that can be serious. This can be a time of hopelessness and deep emotional pain.
People going through depression need hope. They also need help in understanding their feelings. Sharing painful emotions can help work through this depression stage. The Bible tells us that God comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others who are hurting.
Consider this…
If you are going through this kind of struggle, consider talking to a trusted friend. Be honest about your feelings. Allow God to comfort you. Find hope in his love and in his promises.
Let go and let God.
Prayer
Lord, I've been so frustrated and depressed. I know I've been focusing on the problem and not on you and the hope and comfort you offer. Help me to refocus on you and receive the comfort that only you can give. In Jesus' name
These thoughts adapted from…
Concerned Persons Group: Because We Need Each Other by Dr. Jimmy Lee Ray

Quote:
Living Free Every Day®

Today's Scripture
Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. Psalm 62:5-6 NLT
Thoughts for Today
After passing through denial, then anger, bargaining and depression, many people concerned about a loved one with a life-controlling problem reach the point of acceptance.
Acceptance is a welcome place of relief. Now we can finally turn our loved one over to God. To his love and discipline, to his mercy and grace. To his healing power.
Consider this…
Turning our struggling loved one over to God does not mean that we no longer care what happens to him, but that we have accepted the reality of the situation and the fact that we can't fix the problem.
This is where we emotionally detach ourselves from our loved ones, even as we continue to love them and trust God's guidance in redesigning our role in their life.
Here we are able to acknowledge that they are themselves responsible for their own behavior. We accept our powerlessness to change them.
We are finally ready to...
Let go and let God.
Prayer
Lord, help me come to this point of acceptance. I know I can't fix my loved one's problems. I know he has to take responsibility for his own choices. Help me to let go. Help me to rest in you, knowing that you love this one even more than I and that you alone are able to help him. In Jesus' name ...
These thoughts adapted from…
Concerned Persons Group: Because We Need Each Other by Dr. Jimmy Lee Ray
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Old 05-21-2009, 12:22 PM   #2
julianne
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Join Date: May 2009
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Thank you so much for this posting. I had no idea that I've been walking through these steps for several years. I just knew that circumstances where changing and I was trying my best to not go crazy! This posting has brought a healing to my heart and has revived hope once again. God Bless you!
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Old 05-23-2009, 04:50 AM   #3
hangingin
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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Hope you find comfort knowing you are not alone in the "crazy".! Been there a few times...more just before I started reaching out!
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