Originally Posted by nleegray

Hey Maddy,
You sure do ask alot of questions! I tend to be quite frank when responding to someone regarding recovery and seeking God's will, so if you read this, know that I can tell you what you want to hear or I can tell you the truth as I see it. It is not my purpose to crack on you or to make you feel less then. We are, after all, brothers/sisters in Christ and joint heirs with him.
Your last question is the one I would like to address primarily; "Is it possible to have faith and doubt?" My dear sister, that is such a profound question. Jesus constantly addressed that issue when He talked with His disciples. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). In this, I feel that faith gives substance to things we hope for by what we know about God. It is by God's grace that we have been saved through faith. It is not by something that we did. He does it all. We can't do anything to earn it. If we try to earn it, then we are insulting God. We have a measure of faith, but Jesus had immeasurable faith. Faith is a gift from God, so we have to seek Him in order to obtain it. Faith comes by hearing what the Holy Spirit tells us through God's word; the Bible. Since we are fallen depraved creatures we have no faith without Him. It is a gift from God; part of His grace, so we need to spend time with Him alone praying and reading His word in order to obtain faith from Him. Since His grace is a gift, then salvation is also a gift. We are not capable of doing anything to earn it, other than making a decision. It is His work in us following that decision that saves us. We have to allow Him to do this wonderful work in us through the Holy Spirit and the reading of His word, which renews our mind. Since our fallen state has been inherited from Adam, then doubt is a part of our mindset. Doubt is a result of our self reliance. With the injection of faith into our sould by God, the doubt statrs to disappear, yet it still exists. It is only through the growth of our faith that our doubt diminishes. So, the answer is yes to your question. It is possible to have both doubt and faith at the same time. The really big question is, what can we do to kill our doubt?
Be patient with me. I will get around to the situation with your boyfriend. It is your condition that needs to be addressed. Your boyfriend needs to address his own condition. So, lets's talk about your salvation. You will hear many people say that you must say a prayer in order to be saved. This always irritates me because, once again, they are implying that is is what you say that facilitates your salvation and that is not the case. They usually say that because they want to know if you are saved so they can feel that they have done something to prove their faithfulness to God by delivering the gospel to you. Psalm 139 explains how much God knows about us and how He is present everywhere. We can't hide from Him of fool Him with our words. He knows our heart better than we do. In Acts 2, Peter had just explained the gospel (good news) of grace to a bunch of people at a celebration of the harvest know as Pentecost. These people were so stirred up after hearing about God's grace that they asked Peter what they needed to do in order to receive God's grace (Jesus payment for our depraved state). His reply is exactly what we need do do in order to be saved from our fallen state; Repent (turn form our self reliance and the resulting behavior), be Baptized (a public profession of our repentance) and we will be filled with God's Holy Spirit. Repentance is a complete change in our life's direction. It involves re-learning what is important and what is the truth. That is what surrender is. It is dropping everything that we think we know and everything tht we think is important and becoming teachable by looking to God for what is important and what the truth is. It is not something that we say or do, it is a complete change of heart; not the acquisition of book knowlege through religion. Put simply, it is seeking a relationship with God and depending on Him; not ourselves. That being said, ther is no way that you can be sure if your boyfriend is saved. You can only observe what he does and hear what comes out of His mouth. Only God knows what his condition is. You can't do anything to save him or to make him repent; he has to do it all on his own. All you can do is encourage him and pray for him.
In recovery, we have a process that helps us to discover what it is that we need to turn away from. It's called the 12 steps and they were extracted from a man's experience with letting the Holy Spirit teach him through the book of James (Jesus' half brother). It is a God inspired process to help us discover the things that blocking Him from raising us from spiritual deadness and allowing Him to teach us how we were intended to live. That, my dear, is His will for us. We were created by Him to have communion with Him, Communion means to live together in one mind and spirit (with Him). His spiritually dead condition has infected you and you are dying inside from this infection. You need to run to Al-Anon, get a sponsor who has worked these steps thoroughly, allow her to show you how she did this work and do these step yourself. They will allow you to see how far off God's purpose you really are and help you see how badly you really need to depend on Him.
My advice to you is to stop worrying about your boyfriend and seek God with all of your mind, all of your strength and all of your heart. Jesus said that if we seek only the kingdom of God and His righteousness, that God will provide us with all we need. We do not know what we need; God does. Conversely, we do not know what anybody else needs; only God knows that. Worrying is a complete waste of time, especially about other people. I know you believe you love your boyfriend. God will show you where you fit in with your boyfriend. We are not to be unequally yoked to gether with non-believers in matters pertaining to God because they dilute our faith. Let your relationship with your boyfriend sit on "the back burner" and concentrate on your relationship with God. If your boyfriend's words are true, God will show you through the resurrection of your boyfriend and the complete change in his life, not by his words.
God loves you so very much and so do I, Lee